PLAIN DEALER, WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 18 1987 Wedding plans complicated ted but feasible Dear Abby: My fiance (I'll call him Arni) and I are getting married soon. We've been dating for three years Arni's 23 and I'm 21. His family is in Rhode Island and mine are in North Carolina. I'm a Presbyterian and Arni is a Roman Catholic. We'd like to get married in a Catholic church in Rhode Island with my pastor officiating and his priest assisting.
Is this possible? I prefer to get married in a Presbyterian church here in North Carolina, but the church is too small, and Arni's family is too large. I would like to charter a plane to fly all our friends and relatives from North Carolina to Rhode Island and back. It's only an hour and 13 minutes each way. I think the expense of the chartered plane should be Arni's and mine. We'd need a plane that seats about 60.
Arni thinks we should write the North Carolina people and ask them to chip in about $5 or whatever they can afford toward chartering the plane, and forget the wedding presents because their "presence" is all we really want. (It's true; I designed and built our home six months ago and we have everything we need and then some.) Is Arni's suggestion proper or not? What do you think of our idea of flying everyone to Rhode Island? In Love in Matthews, N.C. ABIGAIL VanBUREN DEAR ABBY Dear In Love: The idea of flying your wedding guests from North Carolina to Rhode Island sounds great, but since you have everything you need and then some don't ask your guests to finance the chartered flight in lieu of wedding gifts. Pay for it yourselves, or let them get there on their own power. However, asking a Roman Catholic priest to assist in a marriage ceremony in his church is out of order.
If you want to be married in a church, first consult the Rhode Island priest and the North Carolina minister. Dear Abby: I am a faithful reader of your colump in the Utica Observer-Dispatch, and I hope you won't think me petty, but I think you owe dentists an apology. In a recent column you made a reference to "all of the doctors and dentists." Abby, don't you know that all den- Don't give wife-beater a chance for Round 2 Dear Ann Landers: I'm concerned about a letter you printed from the wife-batterer who went to AA and wanted a second chance. You said you hoped he'd get it. In June the man I loved and hoped to marry beat me severely and tried to strangle me with a necktie.
He will be sentenced soon to one year in jail. It could have been murder. I can't tell you how many second chances I have given him. Always there were tearful apologies, flowers, promises and excuses. "I was out of my head." "I didn't know what I was doing." "I didn't mean it." I felt guilty about being an "unforgiving person," and gave in when he pleaded, "It will never happen again." I wanted desperately to believe him.
Batterers always have excuses. "Want To Go Home" thinks his is alcoholism. I wouldn't be so sure. Only a therapist can predict with any accuracy whether a batterer will repeat. Changing one's behavior (drinking) won't affect the urge to physically abuse until you actually address the deep, underlying causes.
Alcohol only acts as an enabler by decreasing inhibitions. Until "Want To" seeks professional help, his wife should hold her ground. If she accepts the endless rounds of abuse and excuses, she needs help, too. I did. Stanford Alumna Who Learned Dear S.A.: You are right on, lady.
I hope every batterer and battered person will tear out this column and read it until be or she goes for help. It could change his or her life. Dear Ann Landers: The letter from "Agony Revisited" struck a raw nerve. As a girl, too, was very tall. At 12, I looked much older and was constantly challenged about my age.
With pain, I remember the hole that had been drilled into a metal pole on the bus. When you were taller than that hole (or 13 years of age), you had to pay an adult fare. I was taller than the hole at age 11. At 12, I was also too tall to be "under 14" at the neighborhood movie house. ANN LANDERS and I speak from experience.
Dear Ann Landers: Right now I'm sitting here hating retired men with a passion. I swear they turn into little boys again. They always seem to need something, want something, hear something and see everything. I feel suffocated by the constant presence of my retired husband. I resent the way he demands all my attention.
The man is jealous of my friends, my family, even the dog. I can't have a phone conversation without him nagging me to "get off" because he wants me to do something for him "right now." I wonder if all retired men are like my husband. I need guidance. Ohio Candidate for the Loony Bin Dear Candidate: Thank the good Lord all retired men are not like your husband. Many have hobbies and interests that keep them busy, productive and out of the wife's hair.
Ask your husband's doctor to talk to him about pursuing a hobby or doing volunteer work. Consider joint counseling. Sounds as if your marriage is in trouble. NEWS AMERICA SYNDICATE The solution was my birth certificate, which I carried with me at all Limes. The look of surprise on the faces of the doubters was my way of getting even.
Be patient, those of you who tower above your contemporaries. Time has a way of evening things up. S.I. in Grand Blanc, Mich. Dear Grand: Thanks for the words of encouragement.
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